“Oh I am tired, My heart is weak. I know there is a river, a safe place, where I can breathe. You’re the joy in the middle of my pain. You’re the peace I cannot explain. You’re the love I’ll never escape. You are God, though the mountains fall into the sea, We will not be moved. You steady our feet.” – Steady (Loud Harp)
If we refuse one step we put our progress to a halt. Progress is pain. Progress is suffering. Progress is mourning. We tend to run away from our pain and hide away our grief. This only prolongs the process. I believe when we are going through process, God wants us to feel the pain and feel the grief. Christians walk into church today and believe they need to be chipper and that nothing can ever be wrong because they are Christians. The reality is we need to be Intune with our emotions and feel the pain as it comes. We have created this lie in our Church that if you believe in Jesus, that means you have to be “okay” all the time. I tell you today that it is okay, to not be okay. If I have learned anything in this season it is this, He is the Joy in the middle of our pain.
In the last season of my life, all I did was want to run away from my pain. I felt more pain than any man should in his entire life. I would never wish the pain I felt on anyone. I wanted to suppress my pain by being in denial and acting as if I am okay and have it all figured out. I went to other pastors and leaders trying to have someone “fix me” and take away my pain. I didn’t want to feel, I was scared to feel, and I was in pain. The Lord finally met me where I was and told me, “Tristan, it is okay to mourn.” The Lord recently spoke to me through a song called, “You found me” by Loud Harp. The song goes like this, “I have been wandering for years. Looking for but not finding a safe place to lay my head. I have been stumbling in darkness, searching for a real love. You found me and you pulled me out, you found me and you brought me home. You have eyes to see, what I have hidden in my shame. Neck deep In the mire, won’t you pull me out and wrap me in your arms. You are a good Father, this is a good home. Right in the palm of your hands, You are not letting go. You found me and you pulled me out. You found me and you brought me home.
Heaven is your home. God will find you and He will pull you out. He will bring you home into His loving arms. Don’t run away from your pain, instead learn to embrace and feel it. God wont comfort us if we are running for our pain and not letting Him expose the deepest areas of our hearts. He wants to expose the deepest caverns so that we may experience full restoration and healing through Him. He is the Joy in the middle of your Pain. He is your safe place. He is the love that you will never escape.